Too Much Stress

Stress has consumed me.

I don't know what to do today. I can not organize my thoughts and I just don't know where to go from here. I can't get over the hump this week.

I need family support, but was raised by wolves. I have no family, other than my small family that I made. And my boyfriend's family isn't the most reliable, living far away and from other circumstances. He always tells me this is why we have to be that for our son as he grows and when he one day has children of his own, but I don't feel strong enough right now to push past the negative.

I could hardly make the 10 mile drive home from work this morning. Much less take Bronx to daycare, or hardly care for him myself today. It's been disastrous.

I have a warrant for a crime that was committed against me. I have the money to pay it, but I don't know if it will stay on my record and all I feel is anger, and don't want to drag it out, because I've cut off ties over a year ago with those involved. And on top of that my registration was out last month and a cop pulled me over for it (this was prior to the warrant) and I've never had a ticket or anything before. I just forgot to go renew it, but I did the next business day and can't pay the 20 dollars for it until I get this other nonsense figured out.

I finished my finals today and prior to them I had 2 A's and a B, and with the 70's I made, it dropped all my classes a letter grade. I took these classes to help my GPA, but it'll probably just stay the same, and wasn't worth all the busy work. I want to take Paramedic in the Fall, but I'm nervous and can't figure out if I just need to wait until things are more stable, but it seems as soon as they do get stable something else knocks that out of sync, so maybe I should just keep embracing all the chaos.

I've lost all will today. I need to cook, but I don't even know where to start there! Writing this was a chore, but I thought it might help me focus. No luck.